Emotional Incompetence

This weekend marks a year since Firefighter and I met. Can you believe it? I can't. It's crazy how time seems to be flying. Some times I still get that feeling that I'm rushing into things. I know it's silly but I'm a worrier. I've been spending a lot of time in my brain reminiscing. I get butterflies just thinking about him. It is amazing how much a person I barely knew just a year ago, someone I only knew of by name for years before that, could become such a prevalent player in my story. I get so excited and full of anxiety when I think about it.

It seems ridiculous but when it comes to relationships I need a handicap. You know like the one they get in sports. I'm just unsure of how to maneuver through a relationship. One problem is I don't know which issues I should bring up and which I need to just drop. I'm so afraid that I may be unconsciously trying to sabotage things but on the other hand I'm paranoid that I may just be blinded by love. I know. I know. I have issues. Once again, because he is so good at forcing me to communicate when I usually shut down, we were able to talk about it.

Me: I'm just used to holding people back. And I don't want to inadvertently do that with you because I'm scared.

Firefighter: I understand.

Me: So I don't know which things I should bring up and which I should just drop.

Firefighter: Just be straight with me. Bring up whatever you want.

Me: I feel so incompetent when it comes to dealing with these things. What if it's something minor? I don't want to feel like I'm making a big deal about it if it's not important to you

Firefighter: Well, it's important to you. So it's doesn't matter how I feel about it.

That's when I got teary and realized how lucky I am to find someone who is willing to put up with all my issues and insecurities.

I have promised to work on being more open though. And as we begin this second year of our life as a couple I look forward to everything that may come.