My Path

So it's finally here! I am in Bermuda!

After a summer filled with uncertainty and working up the courage to tell my father my plans, I'm here. How do I feel? Honestly, I still have doubts. This week has been filled with both joy and laughter, and tears and pain. I still wonder if it is the right decision. I have already given up my job, which not only provided financial stability, but also provided me with health, dental and eyecare insurance. I have also decided to sell my car and defer my student loans. Plus, I won't see my family!

I've left all that to come to a country where I won't have ANY of it. I cannot get a job because I don't have a work permit. I don't even know when I will be getting one. At the end of the month I have to go back to the states to finalize some things before I can move forward with this leaving me feeling like I'm in vacation mode. I don't feel at home...not yet at least. 

Things are also a bit rocky between Firefighter and I. I don't think I'm willing to share more on this. Not just yet anyway.

To some, myself included (I'm a Virgo), this doesn't seem practical. I have always done what was expected. I was valedictorian of my high school class, received a full scholarship to college and then went on to get my Masters. The next step would have been to start my career. It wasn't easy, but I found a job. It wasn't what I wanted, but I know if I stuck with it, once the position I wanted opened up, they would have given it to me. 

So why give it up? Why leave everything behind for this uncertainty? The only answer I have, which embarrasses me every time I admit it, is because I love Firefighter. I want to build my life and future with him. All the doubts, the rough patches, the uncertainty and instability somehow do not compare to not being here with him. 

Maybe I'm a fool, but this is the path I'm on. At least for now...