There have been many factors over the years for the reason we had to continue our long distance. The main reason was mine. I wasn't able to leave the country until I had settled some things. I also was not in a position to have Firefighter come here without a job.
This past February was the month it could have all happened. We are both free to be together. All outside factors no longer exist to prevent either of us from moving. Because Firefighter has a job and is making enough money to support us both, the plan was for me to move there and try to find a teaching job. I sold my car, left my job (which was easy because it wasn't really what I wanted to do) and was prepared to begin a life anew. However, Firefighter has decided he is not ready. I have tried to be patient and understanding, but it's difficult. I feel like this is the time in my life where I should be planning and looking towards the future. I don't want the constant back and forth anymore. It has not been easy for me to decide to move to Bermuda. I have already given up a lot to be with Firefighter. Not only material things, but also a secure source of income and benefits. I decided to get my degree in teaching because I believed it would easy for me to get a teaching job. It was not my first choice. Now he's telling me he wants me to wait longer. So, what should I do? Keep my life on hold until he's suddenly ready to start our life together? It sounds ridiculous. My logical side leaves me feeling stupid at times. I think about all the decisions I have made because of how much I wanted us to be together, because I love him. It's making me feel like I should move on and begin my life without Firefighter. As much as I love him, I just can't live a life in limbo. So, I've been trying to factor Firefighter out when I think about my dreams and what I want to accomplish in my lifetime.
My heart on the other hand is telling me something else. That this love can conquer all.
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