Soul Baring

...silence could be a great protector. I couldn't afford to cry when there was no escape. Talking about my problems would only illuminate the lines of my unhappiness in the cold light of day, showing me...the things I had been able to bear only because they had been half hidden in the shadows. I couldn't expose myself like that.

 This has stuck with me since reading Girl In Translation last year. I guess it's because, for so long, I too had been living a life in silence. It was easier to pretend everything was okay. Now I find myself fighting against the silence.

These past months have been hard. I've been struggling with being in a long-distance relationship. Firefighter and I have plans to be together, but because of certain circumstances (all mine) it isn't going to happen as soon as I thought it would. And I take it out on him a lot. But during our conversations/arguments, I shut down. I don't know what to say. I'm unable to tell him what I want, and it's driving him crazy.

But the truth is that I have no idea what to do to make things better. To make it feel as though we are moving forward and not stuck in this perpetual cycle of visiting each other and then leaving. I'm sick and tired of missing him, and I'm afraid I might drive him away. So I need to work on myself.

Things I need to work on:
1. Patience: we will be together soon
2. Appreciation: in the mean time I need to be grateful for what we have
3. Self-expression: figure out what I want/need
4. Keep my walls down: don't shut Firefighter out because missing him hurts
5. Be happy: with what we have and what we will have

My First Day of School..

As A Teacher!!!

My life has come full circle. Last Monday I went on an interview at the high school I graduated from. It has had a lot of turn over and there are only 2 teachers left who I knew. But the principal really seemed to like me and on Thursday she called to offer me the job!!! I was thrilled.


So I am now a Co-teacher of 9th grade English. I am so happy. I cannot wait for tomorrow when the kiddies arrive.

Wish me luck!!!

Humble Pie

So, I have to admit. I didn't expect to not have a job with only two weeks left in the summer. Rejection is not something I am used to and after applying to tons of jobs and being turned down so much I'm left feeling like a failure. On the bright side I do have a Plan B. One of the teachers that worked at the school where I did my student teaching is going on paternity leave (yes isn't it great when men are given the opportunity to help with the baby) and asked me to be his substitute while he's gone. Of course I'm happy to do it, but after applying there and being rejected I feel a bit embarrassed returning as a sub. But now, I think I have to suck it up, swallow my pride and do what I have to do to make some money.

I know this is a big lesson for me but I can't stop thinking (very dramatically) "Woe is me!"

Job Hunting

So this is coming a bit later than I first thought. I wanted to spend the summer posting and updating my followers (all 6 of you. ha ha) about what I've been doing. However, my life has been taken over by the hunt for a job. It's consumed ever moment of my life. From the moment I wake up I am on the internet searching for new positions and sending out resumes. So far I've had one interview at a Middle School for a 7th grade Humanities position, and I have another for a substitute position later on in the month.

I feel terrified. I gave up a year of my life to go back to school, accumulate tons of student loans and now I may not have a job when school begins in September. Firefighter is as optimistic as ever. He thinks I'm great and will have one. But me, the eternal pessimist, I'm just hoping to be able to pay off my loans when my deferment is over.

Well, enough bad news. I promise to be more cheerful in my next post.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

First Kiss Remembered

Two years ago today Firefighter and I shared our first kiss. It was both exhilarating and terrifying. I remember standing under the moonlight with the waves coming in around us knowing that everything had changed forever. Today we share so much more, but that one special moment and all the kisses that follow still leave me melting.
I decided to share one of my favorite Faith Hill songs to celebrate all our kisses!

             This Kiss

I don't want another heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry
I don't want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh no, goodbye,
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's impossible
This kiss, this kiss,
Unstoppable
This kiss, this kiss

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I'm forever yours

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's unthinkable
This kiss, this kiss,
Unsinkable
This kiss, this kiss

You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the window open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let's let everything slide
You got me floating, you got me flying

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's subliminal
This kiss, this kiss,
It's criminal
This kiss, this kiss