Manic Monday #180

Are you usually late, early or right on time?
It really depends on who I'm meeting but I try to at least be right on time.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or to tell them that you do not love them back?
Anything that has to do with love is difficult for me.

Which would you rather have: a high salary or job satisfaction?
Can't I have both? Ha ha.

Que Sera Sera

My birthday is this Friday, September 4, and I will be in Bermuda. Yes, I'm headed back to the island this Thursday. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I just know that I have never felt this way about anyone before and want to spend more time with Firefighter. Here are some words of advice I received from my best friend. (I'm going to call her Skye)

Well you have a decent job and no major bills and a place to stay in Bermuda so you can do the visit thing. Plus there is skype and you handle long distance well.

Stop talking yourself out of it! Enjoy it! Plus he's far away so you won't get totally encompassed by the relationship. Give yourself a chance to be happy.

Just take it day by day. Allow yourself to enjoy it!

Whether the end is a fairytale or nightmare it's worth it. Be brave enough to really truly feel and experience. The gift is in the moment.

Do NOT run away from this one.

So I'll be in Bermuda on September 3rd. Firefighter and I are both very excited to spend my birthday together. We also have have plans for Labor Day with his friends. I can't wait to see where this leads.

Just a Fling?

Sand in my Shoes

Two weeks away it feels like the world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it 'till tomorrow t0 unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch the sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

Tomorrow's back to work and down to sanity
Should run a bath and then clear up the mess I made before I left here
Try to remind myself that I was happy here
Before I knew that I could get on a plane and fly away
From the road where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can watch the sunset
And take my time
Take all our time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

I wanna see you again
Two weeks away, all it takes, to change and turn me around, I've fallen
I walked away and never said that I wanted to see you again

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

I wanna see you again
I wanna see you again

Firefighter and I both decided we didn't want a long distance relationship. I'm not even sure I want any type of relationship. I've been enjoying the time I've had to work on the person I would like to be. I've been happy on my own. But I've been missing him so much since I've been back in Boston. How is it possible to miss someone so much when you barely know him? We have been keeping in contact so I'm beginning to learn more about him. And the more I learn, the more I like.

Summer Romance

So my vacation is over and I'm back in Boston. What did I decide to do about my flirtation? Well, I'll start from where I left off.

I didn't see Firefighter again until the middle of the week. He came over just as my uncle and I were leaving to take a change of clothes to my younger cousin at his job. My uncle decided that Firefighter and I could go instead. I was so nervous. I hadn't seen him since the day after the wedding and we hadn't discussed what happened that night. I wasn't ready. Firefighter rides a bike. The good thing about that is you can't do much talking. The bad thing is there is A LOT of physical contact...okay maybe that's a good thing too. We took the clothes to my cousin and then Firefighter took me riding all over the island. We went to his station at the airport and he introduced me to his coworkers. It was an amazing day and we never discussed what was happening between us. We just enjoyed each other.

Headed to the party!

The next time I saw him was at a party my aunt hosted at her house on the weekend. He came with his friends and they invited me to spend the following day with them. The Non-Mariners Race is a day when people take their boats a couple hundred feet out, tie them together and party. Of course I said I would go. Once again he didn't try anything. We hung out with his friends, swam from boat to boat and basically had a fun day on the water. At this point I wasn't sure how he was feeling. After being all over me at the wedding to not touching me at all. I was soooo... confused.

On my last night in Bermuda I didn't know what to do. I kept thinking about him and wondering what was going to happen. I hadn't seen him since Non-Mariners and was worried I wouldn't see him before I left. My aunt decided to take us all out for dinner that night. When we got back to the house after dinner Firefighter was leaving. He had come by to see us before we left. I was so happy and relieved to see him. That night we stayed up until 4am talking. And I really mean talking. Yes, we did kiss but we talked about everything. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I was able to open up to him and I wasn't afraid to say anything. I don't know what it is about him but I'm comfortable enough to let him hold me. I don't even like shaking hands and even with friends I'm uncomfortable hugging. Even when I have dated other people (all 2 of them, ha ha) I have never been someone who enjoyed cuddling.

This feeling is quite new to me. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I usually fall for personalities, but I was instantly attracted to Firefighter and now he turns out to be a great guy as well. Although I love the feeling I'm not sure if I like it. Now we're miles apart and I spend my time missing him. We both agreed that even though we felt strongly about each other we weren't interested in a long distance relationship. However, since I've been back we're texting each other, chatting on facebook or talking on the phone. A day hasn't gone by when I haven't communicated with him. I don't know what to do. Should I just consider it a summer fling?

Tempted to Touch

I first saw him at the rehearsal dinner. As you know, I'm in Bermuda for my cousin's wedding. My aunt was hosting the rehearsal dinner at her house and I was helping cook. I was hot and sweaty, and that was when we were introduced.
 
Let me give you a little background info. My aunt has been married to her husband for about 20 years and they have 2 sons together. My aunt has 2 sons from a previous marriage and her husband had one, I'm going to call him Firefighter. (Thanks E for giving me the ideas for nicknames) I have always known of his existence but we had never met and I have never paid much attention to him while looking at pictures. Both my Mom and younger sister had met him on their previous trips to Bermuda. I on the other hand was never interested in knowing about him...that is until I saw him. He is gorgeous.

Firefighter on the right

I didn't really say anything to him that night. I just stayed back and observed. The next time I saw him was at the wedding. He looked amazing in his suit. The best part about him being in the wedding party was I was able to stare and take pictures without anyone thinking I was being a stalker. Ha ha. We spent time together at the reception but were always part of a group. After the wedding, my female friend V, my sister, my male cousin J and Firefighter decided we weren't ready to go home after the reception. Instead we headed to a club/bar that was inside the hotel. Usually, I'm extremely shy, but as you know once alcohol is added to any equation it allows you to lose your inhibitions and speak freely. I became a bit flirtatious. V was being flirty too, so I wasn't sure what he was thinking. That is until he pulled me towards him to dance.

Once again I wasn't ready for the night to end so I suggested going to the beach. We headed back to the house to change, took Firefighter to his house to get his swimsuit and went to the beach. The sky was clear and the moon was high and bright, reflecting beautifully on the water's surface. My sister and J sat on the shore and watched us as we splashed around. It was a lot of fun. When we were leaving Firefighter and I lagged behind a bit and he kissed me. It was perfect. When we got back to my aunt's house he and I sat outside and talked...okay, it was more than talking. But I didn't let things get to far. I told him we had both been drinking and weren't thinking clearly. I said we should wait until tomorrow to decide how we really felt about each other.

Because I am extremely shy I ignored him the next day. I felt arkward and unsure of what I was doing. The family all had breakfast together and then we went to the beach again. Firefighter took us all on a nature walk and I had to do my best to not stare at him. I kept sneaking glances while trying not to be too obvious. That night we had dinner at my aunt's house. When it was time for him to leave I caught his eye and smiled...trying to let him know that I felt the same way without saying anything. Now I have to figure out what I should do.