Loving You

I  listened closely
today
and I swear
to you
that my
heartbeat,
in perfect
Morse Code,
was slowly
and efficiently
typing out
your name.

What is Love?

New Year Revolution

No, I didn't get that wrong. I know it's supposed to be resolution. However, this year, I need more. It isn't a matter of doing or not doing something.

2013 is going to be about CHANGE! I'm going to take drastic action to make things happen.

I've been feeling stuck. There's a line from the "Friends" theme song that describes how I've been feeling: "It's like you're always stuck in second gear." There's just been no progress. My life have become so stagnant. I've been looking at it and coming to the realization that I stopped trying to grow.

When I met Firefighter, I was on my way to becoming the woman I wanted to be. I was pursuing all angles to find out what I truly wanted out of life. Then I fell in love and began to pursue that. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm beginning to see that it's wrong for me. Compromising my dreams will only lead to resentment.

So, in 2013, I'm choosing me.

My Path

So it's finally here! I am in Bermuda!

After a summer filled with uncertainty and working up the courage to tell my father my plans, I'm here. How do I feel? Honestly, I still have doubts. This week has been filled with both joy and laughter, and tears and pain. I still wonder if it is the right decision. I have already given up my job, which not only provided financial stability, but also provided me with health, dental and eyecare insurance. I have also decided to sell my car and defer my student loans. Plus, I won't see my family!

I've left all that to come to a country where I won't have ANY of it. I cannot get a job because I don't have a work permit. I don't even know when I will be getting one. At the end of the month I have to go back to the states to finalize some things before I can move forward with this leaving me feeling like I'm in vacation mode. I don't feel at home...not yet at least. 

Things are also a bit rocky between Firefighter and I. I don't think I'm willing to share more on this. Not just yet anyway.

To some, myself included (I'm a Virgo), this doesn't seem practical. I have always done what was expected. I was valedictorian of my high school class, received a full scholarship to college and then went on to get my Masters. The next step would have been to start my career. It wasn't easy, but I found a job. It wasn't what I wanted, but I know if I stuck with it, once the position I wanted opened up, they would have given it to me. 

So why give it up? Why leave everything behind for this uncertainty? The only answer I have, which embarrasses me every time I admit it, is because I love Firefighter. I want to build my life and future with him. All the doubts, the rough patches, the uncertainty and instability somehow do not compare to not being here with him. 

Maybe I'm a fool, but this is the path I'm on. At least for now...

I'm Ready

There have been so many things going on and I have decided to come back and begin to update my blog. I have so many things to talk about:

1. Returning to Trinidad (the country of my birth) after 17 years
2. Deciding to take my relationship with Firefighter to the next level
3. My first year teaching

I wanted to post a song that I've been listening to a lot lately. It reminds me of my relationship with Firefighter. This July it will be 3 years since meeting. When I think about the patience and love we have had over these past years, hope swells inside of me. Everything is finally at the right place for me to make my move to Bermuda. With the usual anxiety (you know me, the eternal pessimist), I am going to take the chance because I know I need to give us a chance. I know life is never going to be perfect, but I believe we can conquer anything together.

     I Won't Give Up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work, we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough enough
We've got a lot to learn
God know's we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up