Humble Pie

So, I have to admit. I didn't expect to not have a job with only two weeks left in the summer. Rejection is not something I am used to and after applying to tons of jobs and being turned down so much I'm left feeling like a failure. On the bright side I do have a Plan B. One of the teachers that worked at the school where I did my student teaching is going on paternity leave (yes isn't it great when men are given the opportunity to help with the baby) and asked me to be his substitute while he's gone. Of course I'm happy to do it, but after applying there and being rejected I feel a bit embarrassed returning as a sub. But now, I think I have to suck it up, swallow my pride and do what I have to do to make some money.

I know this is a big lesson for me but I can't stop thinking (very dramatically) "Woe is me!"

Job Hunting

So this is coming a bit later than I first thought. I wanted to spend the summer posting and updating my followers (all 6 of you. ha ha) about what I've been doing. However, my life has been taken over by the hunt for a job. It's consumed ever moment of my life. From the moment I wake up I am on the internet searching for new positions and sending out resumes. So far I've had one interview at a Middle School for a 7th grade Humanities position, and I have another for a substitute position later on in the month.

I feel terrified. I gave up a year of my life to go back to school, accumulate tons of student loans and now I may not have a job when school begins in September. Firefighter is as optimistic as ever. He thinks I'm great and will have one. But me, the eternal pessimist, I'm just hoping to be able to pay off my loans when my deferment is over.

Well, enough bad news. I promise to be more cheerful in my next post.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

First Kiss Remembered

Two years ago today Firefighter and I shared our first kiss. It was both exhilarating and terrifying. I remember standing under the moonlight with the waves coming in around us knowing that everything had changed forever. Today we share so much more, but that one special moment and all the kisses that follow still leave me melting.
I decided to share one of my favorite Faith Hill songs to celebrate all our kisses!

             This Kiss

I don't want another heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry
I don't want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh no, goodbye,
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's impossible
This kiss, this kiss,
Unstoppable
This kiss, this kiss

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I'm forever yours

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's unthinkable
This kiss, this kiss,
Unsinkable
This kiss, this kiss

You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the window open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let's let everything slide
You got me floating, you got me flying

It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss

It's that pivotal moment
It's subliminal
This kiss, this kiss,
It's criminal
This kiss, this kiss

Emotional Incompetence

This weekend marks a year since Firefighter and I met. Can you believe it? I can't. It's crazy how time seems to be flying. Some times I still get that feeling that I'm rushing into things. I know it's silly but I'm a worrier. I've been spending a lot of time in my brain reminiscing. I get butterflies just thinking about him. It is amazing how much a person I barely knew just a year ago, someone I only knew of by name for years before that, could become such a prevalent player in my story. I get so excited and full of anxiety when I think about it.

It seems ridiculous but when it comes to relationships I need a handicap. You know like the one they get in sports. I'm just unsure of how to maneuver through a relationship. One problem is I don't know which issues I should bring up and which I need to just drop. I'm so afraid that I may be unconsciously trying to sabotage things but on the other hand I'm paranoid that I may just be blinded by love. I know. I know. I have issues. Once again, because he is so good at forcing me to communicate when I usually shut down, we were able to talk about it.

Me: I'm just used to holding people back. And I don't want to inadvertently do that with you because I'm scared.

Firefighter: I understand.

Me: So I don't know which things I should bring up and which I should just drop.

Firefighter: Just be straight with me. Bring up whatever you want.

Me: I feel so incompetent when it comes to dealing with these things. What if it's something minor? I don't want to feel like I'm making a big deal about it if it's not important to you

Firefighter: Well, it's important to you. So it's doesn't matter how I feel about it.

That's when I got teary and realized how lucky I am to find someone who is willing to put up with all my issues and insecurities.

I have promised to work on being more open though. And as we begin this second year of our life as a couple I look forward to everything that may come.

One More Night

It's my last night in Bermuda and I'm trying to finish a lesson plan. Well, right now I'm taking a break to write this blog. Firefighter is sitting beside me watching tv. It's so nice being able to do this with him at my side. It gives me a glimpse into what our future will be like together.

I had such an amazing time. Well, I guess I always do. Firefighter is always coming up with fun outings for us. Today we took a drive to one end of the island and then took the ferry into town, where we had lunch. He didn't tell me his plans before hand because he wanted to surprise me. I think it's funny that he knew how thrilled I would be to ride the ferry.

Okay, I'm going to finish my work so I can spend time with Firefighter. Graduate school is keeping me so busy!!!!

By the way, the title for this blog comes from Firefighter. He keeps singing the song, One More Night. It's pretty cute but funny. Lol